Have you ever been in an argument with someone, and you’re so frustrated that the words and feelings you’re trying to find just won’t come to you. Then, the other person comes up with the exact words and phrases you were looking for? That happened to me.
I feel like I “walk on eggshells,” and I “tip toe around” just to avoid hurting this person’s feelings because every time I try to tell her how I feel, she gets defensive and refuses to talk about it, then I have to bite my tongue and act like I never meant what I tried to say….. I constantly have to do it. I hate when people turn situations around on me. It makes me feel helpless. I got told I made someone not feel at home; that killed me. Especially because I’m the one who can’t feel at home anywhere but an empty room, alone. She’s good at making friends, making people laugh, being comfortable in her own skin because shes a great, pretty, funny girl. She gets laid pretty much whenever she wants, by whoever she wants.. I don’t. She has a vagina, which basically makes her irresistible to any dude with the confidence to rip off her pants. Oh, there she is now.. With a dude, a guy who has recently been taking the place of me (or so I feel).. they just came from the pool.. Something else I’m uncomfortable doing.. And shes the one not at home? Shes close with her family… I’m not. Shes comfortable hanging out with large groups of hot dudes….. I’m not. She’s comfortable going out in public without smoking or drinking herself to the point of incoherence… I’m not. As far as I’m concerned, I’m the one who is incapable of feeling at home.. And I got the situation turned around on me, because I was so frustrated that I couldn’t conjure up the words to tell her how I felt.
I’m sure this is coming off as jealousy, and there may be a small portion of this that is true… Mostly, I just feel like I’m losing the one person that I thought understood me to bigger, better, more interesting things… And that scares me. It confirms all my worst fears.. mainly that I’m never good enough… for anyone. I’m consistently inadequate.
Here they come again, they just got food together.. I have a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and possibly (hopefully not) ) the end of another..
For once in my life, I feel like I have nowhere to go, and no one to talk to.
Looks like I have to go get ready for work, yet another place I have to sit inside my own thoughts and keep myself from jumping from the second story.
I wish I could give people my honest opinion when they needed to hear it. Unfortunately however, I was not provided with the tools to lead a “give no fucks” type of lifestyle.. I wish I could donate just a small portion of the fucks that I give to someone who needs them. I tell people what they want to hear because I give a fuck, but if they really cared what I thought, they would see the truth written clearly across my face and honestly try to do something about it. I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings even though I’m rarely able to speak them aloud.
I was really excited to start my job, start doing things differently, meet new people, boost my self esteem……better myself if you will.
Well what I got instead was: A new roommate that snores like a Harley Davidson, a filthy apartment with no time or energy to clean it, a bed full of crickets, a living room that I can’t relax in, a house I can’t keep locked, and an anxiety overload like I have never experienced… It’s almost less stress to be at work.
The best part is nobody cares enough to do something about it and I’m too pussy to say anything about it.
If I don’t get a break soon, I will be the one breaking. 😔😓
I really want to visit home soon. Things are becoming really lonely for me here.
For some reason I eventually always end up feeling like an outsider..
I’d really like a change of scenery.
DOWNLOAD: Daft Punk - Random Access Memories (2013) or here
01. Give Life Back to Music feat. Nile Rodgers
02. The Game of Love
03. Giorgio by Moroder feat. Giorgio Moroder
04. Within feat. Chilly Gonzales
05. Instant Crush feat. Julian Casablancas
06. Lose Yourself to Dance feat. Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers
07. Touch feat. Paul Williams
08. Get Lucky feat. Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers
11. Fragments of Time feat. Todd Edwards
12. Doin’ It Right feat. Panda Bear
13. Contact feat. DJ Falcon